


Weight

by Solid_Cat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 15:03:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18701983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solid_Cat/pseuds/Solid_Cat
Summary: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME!Peter takes the time to reminisce.





	Weight

**Author's Note:**

> Peter's my favorite Marvel character. I've always admired him in the Sam Raimi films as a kid, and I had a crush on the Tom Holland spider-man last year. I thought I'd write a one shot about his grief, and all that.

Peter stares at the lake, for what feelings like hours. It’s probably only a few minutes. It’s enough. He feels.

Stiff.

So incredibly stiff. His hands tremble. Peter feels he should get up, by he can’t help but stick. That’s all he’s good at.

He’s Spider-Man. He always sticks to walls. He sticks to his friends. He always stuck to Mr. Stark. He followed him to space to face the mad titan. That didn’t really work out all that well. Nope. That didn’t work out at all.

Supposedly, it was destiny, but Peter doesn’t believe that. Out of all the possibilities Dr. Strange had seen, there had to be a better one. One where Tony had survived. There had to be. 

Peter can’t see himself, but he can tell his face is ugly. He’s sobbing. His nose is stuffy. He had never been a pretty crier, but then again no one really is.

It’s hurts. It’s a gaping, bleeding wound, familiar, as if someone had stabbed him in an already scarred place. It 

Then. Peter remembers. Uncle Ben.

It feels like Uncle Ben all over again. Peter has never really let that grief fully sink in. Now it has. It aches! It aches to hell and back! Oh god, it aches!  

Peter never really knew his father. Ben was that. Peter’s father. Then, he was gone. Then Tony appearing in his apartment. With Aunt May. It was a rollercoaster. Going to Germany to fight Captain America. Fighting Liz’s dad back home. Going to space with a wizard. Meeting the guardians of the galaxy.

It was insane! But it didn’t feel like that. It felt empty. Like a hole that wouldn’t ever be filled. Never. Peter wanted to sink into the floor. To blow away into dust like before.

Tony had been his father.  He’s dead now. He’s gone. He wasn’t going to come back like Peter. He died so Peter could come back. It was. 

It was.

It was over. Peter sniffled as hot heavy tears were all over his face. It hurt. It really really hurt so much!

It feels an avalanche. Like that building that Liz’s dad dropped on Peter! Heavy. SO HEAVY. Peter was trapped. Buried. With the guilt. The grief. All those ugly, ugly feelings. So  heavy, and it hurt. It hurt worse than the building. It fucking hurt.

Peter’s mind was racing. With memories of the two of them. With sad sentiments. With guilt. With so much.

If Tony was alive. If Tony was alive and here, what would Peter say? Something sappy. And Tony would probably retort with something snarky. And then he’d laugh. 

Thinking of Tony Stark, Peter was only in his life for a short period of time. There was an entire void, Peter knew little about. And it’s weird to think about. 

And Peter thinks about being there. On the battle field. Running away with the gauntlet. Meeting the scary Captain Marvel. The hug from Tony. And then he died. He was there. And it was terrible. Terrible to witness. Terrible to be by. Just bad. He was dying before Peter’s eyes. Peter tried to talk to him. As if talking would bring him to life. Then Pepper spoke to him.

It was heart wrenching to watch. Worse than all the hits than Peter had taken in the past. Absolutely worse.

There had to be a way to wish him back to life, somehow. But there wasn’t. It was over. 

And Peter just watches the lake, and he watches, and he cries. 

He just cries.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this, thank you. Endgame wrecked me for the entire week. I listened to Paul McCartney's "Here Today" to get into the mood to write this. Good song.


End file.
